I make mistakes

Hullo loves!!!!

Ahhhh I’ve been thinking (amazing I know), and you know when something just hits you and you realise that you’ve been too self obsessed of late. Sometimes I majorly let my pride get in the way, and when it comes to people who need your support never let pride get in the way. If they don’t reply to you at least you’ve tried your best and they know that you’re there if they need you! With the people I care about the most I often let my pride get in the way, it’s not the first time I’ve made this mistake and I should have learnt when I was younger. So this poem is an apology – to the people I should have been there for more in my life (particularly my mum in the past and friends in the present), and a promise not to let my pride get in the way and be less self obsessed. It’s better to have your pride hurt than for another person to be hurting alone ❀️

~Not my first mistake

I have to apologise.

Sometimes I speak before I think

And you mean the world to me

So it’s even worse.

I didn’t stop to consider

That your head is a mess

And you’re working through stuff

While trying to play it cool.

And I just want you to know

That I’m always here

If you want to talk

Or for a hug

Or just some teasing

And that will never change.

It could be the stupidest thing

Or we could figure the world out

Or just talk about you

But I’m here for all that

And I’m sorry I failed you.

Normally it’s so easy to talk to people

But it’s never been with you.

Even so, I just want you to know

That you’re beautiful in every way,

And I made mistakes

I was too focused on me,

Not on you, the one who needs me.

I never learnt how to ask if you’re okay

So I apologise

And I’m here for you

No matter when

I’ll be there to hold you tight.

Love, Kirsty ox

Integrity πŸ₯€

Hullo loves!!

I hope you’ve all had a wonderful week! Personally, in the words of Dayana, mine was so lovely! I have some amazing friends in Madrid this term and so many exciting things planned (e.g. I’m going to tutor a bundle of joy English through Spanish and she’s going to tutor me Mandarin)! Butttt you all know what Sunday means! Poem day 😍😍😍 Today was about facing another part of my journey and I found this really difficult to write and think about, but you have to recognise things to work through them! I hope you all have a lovely next week, everyday is a gift! Yep, even Monday! πŸ’›

~Integrity

Most days are good days

And then you hit a bad one

And it’s like the whole world crashes down

I remember that I’m not cool

And I’ll never fit in

That people think my positivity is odd

And it hurts more than you can know

That I was never cool enough for you

And not even as a friend

Cause I’m too enthusiastic

And I’ll throw myself into everything

And I want to help everybody I can

But this comes at a price

I’ll never be like everybody else

Sometimes people laugh at me

And the pain when it’s even your family

And some days it’s so hard

I never cared until I met you

And I just wanted you to like me

And when I had it thrown in my face

It broke me and I knew I had to get away

But now I’ll never be the same

As part of me wants to leave the uncool and enthusiastic girl behind

The girl who lights up so many worlds

Instead, I want to be someone you’d like

And who is cool and beautiful

And people admire

But I don’t think I can be that if it means compromising my integrity

So I’ll just have to be me

And accept that people like you

Will never be friends with people like me

Love, Kirsty ox

Self Care tips πŸŒ»πŸ’›

Hullo loves!!!

I’m so sorry I haven’t written for a while; I’m in uni every day for eight hours and I’m studying hard as I want good grades! And that got me thinking, even if you’re a positive person like me, everyone has really bad days when you have to take care of yourself! It’s not something to be ashamed of at all, and it doesn’t matter if you have more or less bad days than someone else, there’s no right and wrong! So I thought I’d share with you guys some of the things I do when I’m having a bad day or week to cheer myself up.

🌻 I change my bedding ~ yep, this IS the first tip. But come on is there anything better than taking a hot shower and slipping into fresh sheets?! When I’m having a bad time I change my sheets even more regularly than normal, sometimes weekly or every five days as this will improve your sleeping, as well as being a relaxing experience and making you feel fresh (make sure you take lots of showers too to help you calm down).

🌻 The next thing I do to cheer up is make a playlist of all the songs I want to listen to in that moment, sit or lie down, and just listen to them. Not do anything else but just let the music take me away ~ almost like meditating but just with music. The music expresses the emotions for you allowing you to feel refreshed. Plus music just makes everything better and reminds you other people have felt the same way!

🌻 Do something you LOVE. I know this is clichΓ©, but honestly (for me) if I get out a notebook and start writing poems or songs or singing I feel so much better as it gives me a creative release and sometimes an emotional one. I would recommend things that are active rather than passive, as if you’re just watching tv say, it’s easy to slip back into remembering that you’re sad, especially applicable in the day.

Everyone has that thing that they enjoy doing and if you don’t know it yet here are some things you could try ~ writing (stories? A diary? A blog? Poetry?), exercise (dancing? Running? Jogging? Walking? Skipping?), cooking/baking, reading, cleaning (I’m trying to provide for everyone πŸ˜‚), playing a sport or an instrument, drawing/painting, sewing….. there’s a long list of active things to do!

🌻 Talk of out with someone. This is where I need to take my own advice!!!! Sometimes it’s really really difficult to talk about how you feel ~ it makes you feel selfish and so worse about yourself. However, that is completely not true! Think about how you would feel if one of your closest friends didn’t share with you that they were upset, but just kept it to themselves and felt worse than ever! Personally I’d be upset that they were upset. This should make you see that your friends WANT to know what’s wrong with you or if you’re having a bad day ~ that’s part of being a friend. If they don’t want to know what’s up with you then bin them. I’m being serious, they aren’t worthy of your time if they don’t care about you! Don’t put effort into people that don’t put it into you! So yeah, just give them a text saying ‘hey I’m not feeling too great today can I talk to you about it’ and if they’re your friend they won’t mind a bit and you’ll feel so much better after, like load has been lifted.

🌻 Okay this is something that helps me ~ I look at photos with my friends and family where I’m really happy or I feel like I look nice in them. This reminds me of two things; firstly, that there are people out there who love me and care for me, and I love and care for them. Plus it helps me to remember the joy I felt at that time! The second thing is that, particularly for me when my down days are nearly always about my appearance, it reminds me that I’m the same girl who looked nice in that photo. This clearly means that I do look nice on some occasions so I shouldn’t beat myself up about it just because I’m not feeling myself on that particular day. It’s just one day of many!

🌻 Finally (for the moment because I feel like this is a long post) ~ make sure you get plenty of sleep! You can help do this by turning off your electric devices half an hour before you go to sleep, reading a book, taking a shower/bath (with bubble bath), listening to podcasts (s/o Fran), listening to music, mediating, drinking a hot drink (not tea or coffee though, preferably something milk based or a hot toddy which is boiling water, lemon juice, sugar and optionally whiskey) etc. These help relax you and make you sleepy, making it easier to sleep in general!

So I hope these tips help you on your down day! Remember that you are loved and remember to support those around you as you’d want to be supported! If you want any more tips I have some more so let me know! Sleep well loves! 🌻🌻🌻

Love, Kirsty ox

Image from google πŸ’›

That’s just me ~ a poem

Hullo lovelies!!!

I hope you’ve all had a wonderful week! Personally I have had a good week! I was reunited with one of my best friends in the world back here in Madrid! I still have to text some of my friends in the UK that I miss though. And I’ve been listening to some of the best songs I think I’ve ever heard (I’m going to list them later just in case you want to check them out). Is anyone else obsessed with music? I will have it on over the TV any day!

So it’s Sunday and you all know what that means on my blog…… poem day! This one is about how it’s okay to be emotional, we sometimes stop ourselves because we are too scared of how other people will react. But it’s okay to cry and it’s amazing to laugh, laugh as loud as you want, whenever you want!

~ That’s just me

I care too much.

I feel too much.

When I’m sad I’m drowning,

When I’m happy I’m the sun beaming,

When I’m angry I’m a volcano erupting,

I’m a whirlwind of emotions.

Not just feeling my own,

But feeling those of everyone around me.

Leaving me breathless with their force.

Yes, I feel too much,

And I care too much,

But it’s better than feeling nothing at all.

So that’s today thought! And if you’re interested in the songs (they’re more soul and rocky I’d say);

It’s Amazing ~ Jamie Campbell Bower

Hold on to what you believe ~ Jamie Campbell Bower

Caught out in the rain ~ Beth Hart

Setting me Free ~ Beth Hart

In your hands ~ Greta La (this is the SoundCloud link below)

So I hope you like the poem and the songs! Also I wish you a wonderful weekend and week!

Love, Kirsty ox

Too faced chocolate gold palette review πŸ«

Hullo lovelies!

I was lucky enough to receive as a gift from my parents the beautiful Chocolate Gold Palette from Too Faced.Β The box it comes in is lovely!

And, of course because it’s Too Faced, the packaging is to die for!!! So cute and I love the tins they put their palettes in.

This palette is also great from a design point of view because they have included a much larger mirror than they usually do in their palettes, a feature that is very useful. When I first saw this palette I knew I really liked it! However, this might not be the same for everyone as the palette only has four matte shades. I always buy for glitter shades rather than matte though so this didn’t really bother me. The palette has a nice range of colours but is still largely warm toned (I love that they’ve included a couple of cool toned colours too) and looks like this (note the massive mirror),

The glitters are also the best I think too faced has ever done. They are stunning, absolutely stunning. If you get a chance definitely swatch them 🀀 I think they must have changed their formula because normally their glitter shades are very soft and buttery but these are opposite which gives a more striking colour pay off I’ve found. The shades also wear really well – I’ve worn them for a couple of days now and they haven’t creased on my eyelid which is a huge thumbs up from me. The mattes are also nice, it has a matte black (YES OH YES), they are a little stiff but nothing that a good bit of blending won’t solve. It is a little annoying though that I don’t think I could travel with this palette alone as I hate using glitter in my crease and there aren’t enough mattes to work with all the colours in the palette.

<<<<<<
utely love this palette! The glitters are astonishing, I honestly can't think of any glitters I own that I prefer for these. If you're thinking about buying this palette, I'd say if you don't mind the lack of mattes and are a bit of a glitter fan then you should definitely add it to your collection! If you like your matte shades though or are looking for an all round palette this wouldn't be a good first choice (too many glitters and bold shades in my opinion for an all round palette). Just remember the colours are quite bold too! So I hope you find these helpful! Let me know if you have any questions or what you think of the palette! Hope you're having the best day.

Love, Kirsty ox

Makeup eraser review

Hullo lovelies!!

Today I was in Sephora and they had a sale on!!!!! I was soooooo excited because makeup cheaper is always amazing, am I right??? In my browsing (after dragging my eyes away from the Too Faced Gold palette which is DIVINE) I spotted (for €10 not €12,50) a cracker with three mini makeup erasers. Now, I don’t know about you all, but for me the idea of a cloth that erases all my makeup quickly is bliss! It would mean no more wipes that are killing the environment or micellar water that costs so much money and always seems to ruin my skin 😦 So despite my ‘I’m not buying anything at the moment’ rule I had to pick them up to review. Every time I see them I’m skeptical about what they’ll be like and if they really work, plus I always consider buying one, so it was so nice to try them!

This was what was in the box – three mini makeup eraser clothes. In order to use one you have to wet it. So, rather eager to try it out, I opened one (I decided on a red one cause I don’t want to ruin the white one already!).

This is what it looks like opened up and I wet it with warm water as instructed! This was me with my makeup on (after 11 hours I hasten to point out).

Then I washed my face once with the cloth

You can see that the cloth took off a fair promotion of my makeup after one rub everywhere. The cloth definitely performed well with face makeup, eye makeup was more of an issue, however. Although of course that is to be expected. After another rub round and, paying particular attention to my eyes, my makeup was off! In my opinion there is a lot of good things about this product – it’s reusable being the main one! Also it didn’t make my skin feel oily or particularly dry, and I have sensitive dry skin and it didn’t react to it! On the other side of a cloth is an exfoliator too which is always nice to have.

The cons are that I think bacteria will build up pretty fast on the cloth which is bad if you do have acne or spots! This is something I always worry about, so you’d have to regularly clean it. The only other thing really is that it isn’t much faster to take off than using a wipe or micellar water, it’s not a quick solution! I think €10 for three minis is good value, €17 for a big one is quite steep but it is reusable if you don’t mind the initial cost! So there you have it! I finally got one and reviewed it! Let me know what you think, do you have one? Would you be tempted to buy one? Hope you’re all well my angels!

Love, Kirsty ox

2018 – Relationships, self-hate all the deep stuff

Hullo lovelies,

This one is personal and scary to share so I’m just going to leave it on my blog. I think I’m channelling my inner Dr Watson here πŸ˜‰ . This one also needs trigger warning for anorexia, bulimia, depression, self-harm, anything to do with hating yourself, so you’ve been warned – it’s not light reading. Skip the first part if you don’t want to read that and my story, you can just go straight for my thoughts on societies beauty standards.

I would describe myself as being very happy go-lucky, a lover of life and people. BUT this is not always the case, my past has helped to make me the happy person I am today. Oh yes I used to hate myself. Like really hate. Of course, disliking your appearance is quite normal (which absolutely breaks my heart because all human beings are beautiful in my view). But, as per, I don’t do things by half. So when I say I hated my appearance I really really mean it. This is the general idea of those years for me (I”l skip some of the really heavy stuff for when I’m ready to talk about it). Β Throughout my teenage years I flat out refused to have my photo taken because every time it was taken I would end up in tears and feeling physically sick at my own face and body. If I went clothes shopping I would end up an absolute mess, to the point that it upset my mum so much and made her so angry she couldn’t come into a clothes shop with me, or if she did she would let me go off and find my own clothes, cry in the changing room and go and find her again, demanding to go home because I couldn’t look at the clothes I couldn’t wear because of my appearance. These years also taught me something else – sometimes wishes do come true and not the ones that you want. For all those years I used to wish and wish I would have an illness that would make me sick so I couldn’t eat or if I did I would be sick and that way I would loose weight and be my desired thin (which also meant beautiful to me at the time). Now, seven years after my beginning of wishing, I do have an illness that makes me repeatedly sick and leaves me in bed for weeks, with headaches and nausea (the doctors think I have awful migraines that come in clusters). But I’m still not thin so that just proves be careful for what you wish for because being repeatedly sick is NOT and would never be worth loosing weight. I also had (what I now think was a mental health issue) where I wouldn’t eat at school, I’d just skip my meals, try to make myself sick, then I would buy loads of junk food and eat it all. This then meant that I would have adequately fuel to hate on myself and this lead (if you’re squeamish don’t read this) to me sticking pins in my feet and ripping the skin out. I’ve always loved dance and at the time it meant that my feet were so sore that every step would remind me of it, but no one could see my feet so it was okay. I used to worry people would see them in swimming (which I also love by the way), which would lead to more stress. I also hated athletics and this was made worse by not being able to walk properly on my feet and then having to run on them (hurt like hell). I spent years and years collecting all the negative comments made towards me appearance from family, friends, strangers, so when I was alone I could sit and cry about them and hate myself some more. I also seemed to have an inability to discuss anything with anyone (a problem I still have), so I didn’t tell anyone any of this until Uni. I wasted all those years HATING myself for what reason? Because I, firstly, cared about societies standards of beauty and, secondly, I equated thin with beautiful.

Now I say eff the beauty standards of society, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And I tell you what I’ve learnt, you don’t have to be thin to be beautiful. I’ll say it again, you don’t have to be thin to be beautiful. Thin IS beautiful. Curvy IS beautiful. Fat IS beautiful. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU IS BEAUTIFUL, no matter your size or appearance, gender or sexuality. It does not matter one jot what anyone else thinks, what you think about yourself is the most important thing, and every person deserves the belief that they are beautiful no matter what. Every person, regardless of size or face, deserves to be happy and to find love. Someone once said to me that when you are old with your partner and both of your ‘looks’ have faded, appearance will not matter at all. What will matter is how you two get on, whether the other person makes you laugh, whether you have achieved what you want together, if you can fight and make up, the fact that you fiercely love each other. Appearance. will. not. matter.

Another thing I hate is this assumption that you are only attractive if you are in a relationship. What a load of rubbish that is. You’re attractive if you think you’re attractive. How does being in a relationship make you more attractive? Because one person thinks you’re attractive? You don’t have to be in a relationship to have one person think you’re attractive, you just have to be you. So, then, being in relationship doesn’t make you less or more attractive, don’t let your relationship status affect your inner worth. And just think not being in a relationship means you can do whatever you want, whenever you want, cute boy/girl? You can tap that. (No offence to those of you in relationships, I’m sure when I’m in one I will see the advantage of it, just don’t let the other person define your self-worth okay? Because they don’t define your worth, I don’t care if they are as attractive to you as Orlando Bloom in the Hobbit is to me (save me) they DO NOT define your self-worth, you do. And you’re damn fine).

So, no you don’t have to loose weight, if you’re healthy you’re fine. And yes you ARE beautiful, I promise. For those of you going through a bad time I feel so much for you – but please remember you are beautiful and you are loved. There is no miracle cure to self-hate, it’s a learning process. I still have really bad days when I’m taken back to that self-hate (like yesterday) but now I can see the good in my appearance too – something I would have thought impossible a couple of years ago. Most days are good days and the bad days are just there to emphasis the good days (or so I think). I haven’t self harmed in ages now (wow I’m probably two years clean I’d say which is super cool) and I don’t want to die because of my appearance, I love this face (most of the time) and I’m working on the body love (that’s super tough for me but I know it’s worth the battle). All of you are worth fighting for – you are all so precious and beautiful. Life is too short to hate yourself – people will always hate on others so don’t let you do it to yourself too. I’m so proud of you all, live your own journey. As for me, I’m going to carry on laughing and smiling like I love to do, while carrying on my journey to self love. And you know, everytime we hate ourselves for not being societies definition of beauty, we allow that image of beautiful to remain in society. Well I say, tear down that image you have of beautiful. Replace that mistaken image with an image of yourself, as you are beautiful. REDEFINE YOUR BEAUTY STANDARDS. YOU. ARE. BEAUTIFUL. Emotional post OVER. I apologise but I feel like I had to write about it as it’s dictated so much of my life.

Love, Kirsty ox

‘Society rules’ a poem πŸ’™

Hullo lovelies!

Do you know what I love? Writing poems! Do you know what day it is? That’s right it’s Sundays and you all know what that means! Poem day!!!! Now, you know when I said I’d written loads of poems for you the other day, I had. But I, um, may have left them in England (I’m in Spain!). BUT because I love writing poetry and it’s Sunday here is a poem for you all that I composed today! I hope you enjoy! πŸ’™ Thank you all for the love as well, it means the world.

I don’t often cry,

Because emotions aren’t attractive.

I don’t talk about when I’m sad,

Because I don’t want to be dramatic.

I beat myself up for no reason,

Because we are taught to hate ourselves.

I overthink everything,

Because it’s easier to look for the bad.

I wonder if you even care,

Because I allow you to rule me.

So I throw myself into the arts

Because there I can be who I want to be

I can be emotional

I can be dramatic

I can love myself

I can care for you

Because there is no right

And the only wrong is what is done by society to us.

~ society rules

So I hope that gives you something to think about and that you like it! You can tell I’m in a reflective mood today! Hope you’ve had the best Sunday πŸ’™

Love, Kirsty ox

First impressions – ABH Prism

Hullo lovelies!

I hope you’re all having a wonderful day. I have to say that mine was pretty exciting as when I got my post this morning my beautybay parcel was there. Part of this parcel was Prism by Anastasia Beverly Hills, which I did a look with earlier today. For agesssss I’ve had my eye on Subculture because I love the colours in it and I love Modern Renaissance. But the reviews have put me off buying it until now and yesterday I was re-looking at it on Beaytybay when I spotted Prism had Β£10 off!!!! I saw Prism online and in store at Sephora in France and at the time I did not like the colours at all. I thought the shades unflattering and unwearable but I am pleased to say I was SO wrong, so so so wrong. The shades are completely wearable and flattering. In case you haven’t seen the palette here is a photo of it:

img_6904

Before using this palette I was a little nervous as I have read some reviews comparing it to Subculture and saying that they are both hard to blend and have a lot of fallout, plus kickback etc. I’ll start by saying that yes this is not a palette for beginners because it is harder to blend than other palettes (a great beginners palette is Morphe x Jaclyn Hill which I also have a review of) but I wouldn’t expect it to be a beginners palette with the colours in it. Also, I found that out of the shades I tried today, only Obsidian and Sphere were harder to blend out but with a little more time they look really nice. The colour pay off was also very good, asides from in Sphere but I was very glad of this because I would rather build up a colour as vivid as that than have it immediately very bright. The eyeshadows built up beautifully as well so that was great.

However, my favourite thing about the palette has to be the glitters/shimmers! They are STUNNING! In texture they remind me a lot of the Huda Beauty glitters in the Textured Rose Gold palette, so a thicker glitter texture rather than a shimmer eyeshadow, and they look amazing on the eye. My favourite at the moment is Eternal but that might change after I try Throne! I also would like to appreciate the packing, which I think is beautiful.IMG_6901

So overall my first impressions of Prism are very good, especially with Β£10 off! I’ll write a more detailed review of it after I have played some more with it and how it wears (which is another concern I’ve seen raised). This is the look I did today with it, showing that the colours can be very wearable! (For more of my looks check out my Instagram: @kirstyslifeblog).fullsizeoutput_575

What do you all think of Prism? Are the colours too much for you to buy? If you have it do you like it? Let me know!

Love, Kirsty ox

 

 

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